Kyle Smith on the World's Foremost Authority.
Hello, I’m Tom Nichols. I have very fierce facial hair. I am a super-brain expert authority (™) on all things. You can find me in the Naval War College, USA Today, and in the dictionary, under the word “insufferable.”
I am in fact an expert on all things, except the management of time, 100 hours of which I spend on Twitter each week unclogging my nose at you fools who voted for Trump, you fools who are reluctant to vote for Socialists, and you fools who consider it conservative to appoint conservative judges. Which I have wittily dubbed “muh judges” while deriding you weirdos who oppose abortion. My Twitter handle is @RadioFreeTom because I’m sort of like the patriots who carried the message of freedom to Eastern Europeans suffering under the Soviet yoke, though I’m also on record as saying I’d vote for USSR fanboy Bernie Sanders over Trump. I am truly super-conservative and am in fact the suzerain, archduke, and General Secretary of all conservatives, so you have to listen to what I say, and I say vote Socialist.
My brand is being unorthodox, by which I mean “as predictable as Max Boot.” Frequently I say something like “As a conservative . . .” before adding that I’d vote for Bernie even if he taxed used kitty litter, for Elizabeth Warren even if she made me wear waffles as underpants, and for Kamala Harris even if she made me drive to work in a golf cart covered with Barbie decals.
Hello, I’m Tom Nichols. I have very fierce facial hair. I am a super-brain expert authority (™) on all things. You can find me in the Naval War College, USA Today, and in the dictionary, under the word “insufferable.”
I am in fact an expert on all things, except the management of time, 100 hours of which I spend on Twitter each week unclogging my nose at you fools who voted for Trump, you fools who are reluctant to vote for Socialists, and you fools who consider it conservative to appoint conservative judges. Which I have wittily dubbed “muh judges” while deriding you weirdos who oppose abortion. My Twitter handle is @RadioFreeTom because I’m sort of like the patriots who carried the message of freedom to Eastern Europeans suffering under the Soviet yoke, though I’m also on record as saying I’d vote for USSR fanboy Bernie Sanders over Trump. I am truly super-conservative and am in fact the suzerain, archduke, and General Secretary of all conservatives, so you have to listen to what I say, and I say vote Socialist.
My brand is being unorthodox, by which I mean “as predictable as Max Boot.” Frequently I say something like “As a conservative . . .” before adding that I’d vote for Bernie even if he taxed used kitty litter, for Elizabeth Warren even if she made me wear waffles as underpants, and for Kamala Harris even if she made me drive to work in a golf cart covered with Barbie decals.
No comments:
Post a Comment